Assalamu alaykum
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Mashallah I have had the ability to meet many sisters during this last week, many old faces and many new ones. Talking to them and listening to their views on life and the world gave me the opportunity to analyse myself and how I treat sisters differently, of course we are but human and we will treat different people differently, an auntie wouldn't get the same banter as a old college mate, or a sister who has much knowledge wouldn't be at the same level as a sister still doing their GSCE's and still coming into deen. But I wounder how much of this do we use to 'judge' people.
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Its a sorry state of affairs when we find ourselves looking down at certain sisters who look different, act different or speak differently. Its saddening to think we are at a time when people are judged by the length of their hijab and their beard. Its scary to see sisters shunning others who don't wear the 'correct hijab'. We analyse people when they pray salah, and think to ourselves "Oh that sister moved her finger, astagfarullah no way will I talk to her" or "That bro hasn't got his trousers high enough.. ahhh and to think I was gonna ask him round for some biryani!" What ever happened to the Sisterhood and brotherhood we as a ummah pride ourselves on?
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I must admit I have fallen into this myself, yes you do have to judge a little especially if you are to be taught by a sister or brother, you need to be careful who you take the Deen from. And its known that first impressions are vital, we usually 'judge' people in the first 5 minutes we meet them. Remember 95% of communication is non verbal! (Remember that when people come round sisters!!).
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we may find ourselves in a position that we have to judge or form an opinion on a person or of a situation or issue. In this case our faith, common sense and the fear of Allah should prevail. In such a situation we must be fair, doing justice to the issue at hand, not letting our naffs, whims or desires take precedence over our common sense and taqwa, it is from Islam to be fair.
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"Allah does command you to render back your trusts to whom they are due and when you judge between man and man, that you judge with justice..." (Quran 4:58)
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I wounder though how much do we look at others and how much do we actually look into our own hearts. I know a sister Mashallah may Allah protect hr. She said to me one time that she was getting so scared to do anything, she was scared about her deeds and was scared about how low her Emaan was getting. I asked her why she felt like this, she said she looked into her heart TOO MUCH, she was analysing everything she did, she would always stop and look into her heart all the time.. Subhnallah how I wished to be in her shoes, how I wished we were all more like her, what a admirable characteristic to have, if only we all did this, if only we all looked into our own hearts first before we judged others and before we decide how 'religious' someone is, look and analyse our own hearts, I think you may be surprised by what you find, I surely was!
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Remembering the words of Allah...
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"And among the best of you are those who have the best attitude (towards others" (Quran 68:4)
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This is also emphasised in the words of our beloved Rasool salahi walyhiwasalam
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"The best of people in his attitude towards others" (Bukhari and Muslim)
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Be the Muslim women and men of good character, noble traits, friendly, gentle in manners and in speech, respectful to old and playful to the young, tactful in giving advice and humble when receiving it.
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Remember...
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"Nothing will weigh more heavily in the balance of the believing servant on the Day of Resurrection than a good attitude (towards others). Verily Allah hates those who utter vile words and obscene speech." (Tirmidi)
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Four Principles for a Noble Character by Shaykhul Islaam
Shaykhul Islaam Ibnul Qayim
“It is not imagined that one can have noble character except if it is founded upon four pillars:
~The First: Sabr (Patience)
~The Second: 'Iffah (Chastity)
~The Third: Shujaa'ah (Courage)
~The Fourth: Adl (Justice)
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Patience, inspires him to be tolerant, control his anger, endure the harms that he receives from others, to be forbearing and deliberate in his decisions. It motivates him to be gentle and not to be rash or hasty.
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Chastity, inspires him to avoid every imprudent characteristic, whether in statement or action, and encourages him to have a sense of modesty and integrity which is the epitome of all good. It prevents him from fornication, stinginess, lying, backbiting and spreading tales to cause separation and discord between the people.
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Courage, inspires him to have a sense of self esteem, to emphasize high and noble manners and to make it apart of his natural disposition. It also encourages him to exert himself and to be generous, which is in essence, true courage and it leads to strong will and self determination. It encourages him to distance himself from his ardent lowly desires, to control his anger, and to be forbearing because by such, he can control his temper, take it by the reins and curb his violent and destructive behavior just as the Messenger (Sallahu alaihi wa salam) said:
“The Strong is not the one who can wrestle his opponent to the ground but rather the strong is the one who can control himself when he gets angry.”
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This is true genuine courage and it is the sole trait that the slave utilizes to conquer his opponent.
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Justice, encourages him to be impartial in his behavior with people and to be moderate between the two extremes of negligence and extremism. It motivates him to be generous and kind which is the middle course between absolute degradation and arrogance, and to make this apart of his disposition and makeup. It encourages him to be courageous which is the middle course between cowardice and imprudence, and to be forbearing which is the middle course between extreme unnecessary anger and ignominy.
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These four virtuous characteristics are the axis and provenance of all noble manners and the foundation of all repugnant and ignominious characteristics are built upon four pillars:
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~The First: Jahl (Ignorance)
~The Second: Dhulm (Oppression)
~The Third: Shahwah (following ones lowly desires)
~The Fourth: Ghadab (Anger)
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Ignorance, allows him to view good in the form of evil and evil in the form of good, and to consider that which is complete to be incomplete and that which is incomplete to be complete.
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Oppression, causes him to put things in places which are not appropriate for them, so he gets angry when its time to be happy and he is happy when its time to be angry. He is ignorant and hasty when its time to be deliberate and deliberate when its time to be hasty, he is stingy when it is time to be generous and generous when its time to be stingy. He is weak when it is time to be courageous and assume responsibility, and he assumes responsibility when it is time to take a step back (and let someone else undertake the initiative). He is gentle and lenient when it is time to be harsh and firm and he is harsh and firm when it is time to be lenient. He is humble when it is time to be superior and arrogant when it is time to be humble.
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Following (his) lowly desires, encourages him to be diligent in obtaining that which the soul ardently desires, to be stingy and greedy. It encourages him to adorn himself with all types of despicable and imprudent characteristics.
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Anger, incites him to be arrogant, jealous, envious, to hold enmity of others and to be imprudent and shameless.
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The foundation of these four repugnant and blameworthy characteristics are two pillars:
Either, Extreme Self ignominy or Extreme Self Pride.
